BUTT TRIBE!



On this day, God wants you to know that today you have a cause for celebration. Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself.

Yeah, amen.

2009 has been a rather tough and challenging year. I never thought I would be posted to sa and dreaded my days in school. I always wondered why God placed me in a school which I didnt like. I had lots of thoughts and everytime I walked to school, everytime I see or hear " No one is here by chance", I asked Him what my purpose was. He never really give me a direct answer, but somehow I know now. I struggled, trying to keep up with everything and trying my best to like the things that I have.

Results fluctuated and relationships with people were on the downhill. Been quarrelling alot of dad, always raising my voice at him even though it was out of concern for his health. Many things happened, both good and bad, but most of the times good turns bad, you know. I'm glad failures made me stronger I guessed. Nevertheless, throughout all these, I gotta admit I backslided and I relied too much on my own strength instead of His, especially in times of need or exams. I always told myself to come back but I was lazy, I couldnt feel the same burning passion I had before.

Before the camp, I was hesistant, pondering whether to go at the last minute. I couldnt feel the love, couldnt feel His presence. But truly I'm happy I went for it. One camp had really been a great breakthrough to many.
I thank God for His assurance and love that I am perfect in His eyes. I don't need to be like others, there is no self condemnation and failures are perfectly normal so long as we learn from them. Alina prayed for me during alter call and I could really feel His presence so strongly that I broke down in tears. She saw a vision of a flower though she didnt know what it was but God knows me more than anyone else, He knows that things that I like and dislike. Sometimes, we have been trying too hard to be like someone or to make ourselves more well-liked by others and we often forget that everyone is made in their own image with their own traits. We need not condemn ourselves for the things we think we arent good enough. Prophecy that night was awesome! He assured me by showing jolene my favourite sunflower ( He is the core and I'm the petals, He supports me) and chrystella a mouth with bright white teeth. La was kinda unsure what it really meant for me then I told her maybe God wanted me to smile more but she said it was along the profession and asked if I had ever thought of going to study dentistry. Spot on! :D

Yesterday was outreach at henderson. It's kinda sad to see the living conditions of the people there, sometimes even living in constant fear and pain. I'm glad I prayed for an old lady in chinese and it was a confidence booster that encouraged me to do more outreach.
Samu and his group's experience during outreach was kinda freaky but truly God's presence and annointing was with everyone of us.

I thank God for everything that had happened this year, both good and bad.
Glory to His name! :D



2010?
I hope it's gonna be a better year with more of God and less of me.


Off to nap and then start my hw again. rushing for time isnt nice =x

HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE PEOPLE!

From Everyday with Jesus, daily devotional:

Someone asked the dean of a girls' college, "What is the chief problem of these girls?" And the dean replied, "Fear". The visitor was surprised and asked the dean to comment further on the situation. "These poor things are afraid of so much," she said. "Afraid of failure, afraid of what others think of them, afraid of the future-just afraid. They seldom show it because they have pushed their fears into their subconscious, and there they fester. These subconscious fears create a climate of anxiety. The girls scarcely know why they are afraid, but they are basically afraid."

You may well identify with some of the remarks made by the dean, and say to yourself, " That's exactly how I feel-basically afraid"

They root cause of fear is an absence of love. When there is no love, fear flows in. I assure you that if you had a vivid awareness of how much God loved you, every fear troubling you would vanish. And why? Because once your personality detects the presence of its Creator, it responds to it with faith and not with fear.

The answer to your problem of fear lies not in self centred efforts to conquer it but in concentrating on the fact that God loves you, and has control of all the situations and circumstances of your life. The more you focus on that fact, the more His love will flow in, and the more fear will flow out.


"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives our fear." ---- 1 John 4: 18



It's true that many times you don't know why but you are just fearful, afraid of the things that had happened, that are happening and that are going to happen. I know that feeling, and really I feel that it's 'cause I don't know exactly how much God loves me, and I don't know whether I'm loving Him for who He is. The feeling of emptiness and lost; you feel like you are all alone even though you are in the middle of a crowd. I feel very distant.

ONE later, I hope I can set things aside for the 4 days (though I could have done alot of my hw) and reflect on what has happened this year and how I'm going to set the path right for 2010. Personal expectations, a refreshed body, mind and soul for the new year, a closer and intimate relationship with God.

Till then, see you. (or maybe 2010?)

Ten miles from town
And I just broke down
Spitting out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone
Just trying to get home
To tell you I was wrong, but you already know
Believe me, I won't stop at nothing to see you
So I've started running

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
And I think that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked
The night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back
Of my mind I must have been high
To say you and I weren't meant to be
And just wasting my time
Oh why did I ever doubt you
You know I would die here without you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
And I think that all that still matter is love ever after
After all we've been through
Cause I know there's no life after you

You and I, right or wrong
There's no other one
After this time spent alone
It's hard to believe
That a man could be so blind
Thinking about the better times
Must've been out of my mind
So I'm running back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
And I think that all that still matter is love ever after
After the life we've been through
I know there's no life after you
No there's no life after you
No there's no life after you
No there's no life after you
No there's no life after you
No there's no life after you
No there's no life after you






Been studying with Fangyu these few days and it's kinda productive but we almost froze to death haha. Tomorrow's Christmas but I don't get the feel this year; guess it's too much emotions that mixed everything up.

There's One Camp next week which would practically mean that my homework would be left untouched for one week. Somehow I'm not looking forward to the camp. I don't know, but miah said it's some pre-camp thingy you get. Though last year's one was fun. But that's kinda cause I didnt have to worry bout my work last year, unlike now ): Haven't started revision for msa.

I need a revivial, I need more of You. The feeling of lost and emptiness. Let Your holy spirit rain down on me, Lord.

When promises become lies, you know that love becomes hatred.



I really really really need to start doing my homework and stop being distracted. My attention span is shortening and that sucks. I need to use getting into NUS pharmacy/medicine as my motivation!

Xperience Pharmacy '09 was kinda fun and scary hahah for the toilet part. But I really learnt alot. Need to study, seriously and stop wasting my time away. I haven done revision package for chem and econs let alone revising j1 topics and for msa1.

Sigh.



Take a chance and be strong,
believe the tunnel can end.

Work shadowing @ NUH was fun and enriching, especially on the second day with them(above). Super funny bunch of people. And I have learnt and seen alot that others might never had a chance to.

:D


Eyes are tired and my vision is getting poorer. Work is piling and more people are finishing them soon but not me ):

Watching SEA Games swimming makes me miss competitive swimming yearssss ago.
Too bad mum didnt let me join club last time. And no more competition from dad's company like before.

I remember Q. Ting Wen always winning last time in primary school.

Used to have a big dream, but it never happened.

Don't wanna get up, just wanna scream it all out.

When I'm stress or sad, I just wanna go swim, but at the moment I cant.

So many feelings and thoughts, so many emotions now, but I really don't know why, I don't know how to express.

Today was first day of work shadowing. Morning was helping out at the neurological gym, for people who met with accidents involving brain or nervous systems or even old people with dementia. Then afternoon I went to the children's ward, nursery, children icu and the baby room etc. Emotional. I'm really blessed to be alive and healthy. They are young, they have a dream just like everyone else yet people have different fate and destiny, different plans are awaiting for them. Imagine being 13years old with cancer and a kneecap replacement, having hopes of being discharged and eager to go on a trip to even JB. Then you realised you have a black 5mm spot somewhere in your lungs, fears of the cancer spreading. Or even being 12, never stepped out of your bed before, never been to school, having some muscular deficiency and lung problem whereby breathing is difficult because of the phelgm stuck along the way; thick and yellowish. How would it feel to have tubes sticking down your mouth and nostrils trying to suck the phelgm out?


Lots of things in my mind bothering me. Thought I could always handle it but it always last for awhile and the next moment, it's just another emotional wreck. Sometimes I've been thinking, I've been doing something for years and yet I'm such a failure to even not do it right or good.

Work's piling and undone while many have started on revision packages. I still got pharmacy camp next week and so many activities. Everytime I wanna start studying/doing work, I get distracted. It's the mind, the minddd! ):



Just get up and go? Take a chance and be strong?
Sigh, goodbye.

Everything has been kind of strange for me these few days, lots of things running through my mind, lots of things have changed. I guess it's true to say that nothing is forever, nothing but the love of God.
Sometimes it's just nice to be alone and get some peace.
My room has become a nice place to chill, for the time being.


Standard Chartered Marathon tomorrow, got to report at 1am. Clique is hanging out around cityhall (: It's going to be tiring, plus dad's birthday on sunday. Haven't bought anything =/



Two is better than one.

Kill me, life sucks ): As you grow older, you will realise you are missing out on alot of things in life and you often take them for granted. Each year the holiday is shorter, lesser time to take a break, or even have a breather.

December
2: tabletennis
3: out with jiayu
4: cell
5: tuition makeup (?)/ clique dinner (?)
6: standard charter volunteer (?)/ dad's birthday
7: tabletennis
8:
9: table tennis/ 205 @benny's house
10-11: NUH workshadowing
12: church/ musical (?)
13:
14-16: NUS pharmacy camp
17: 6E'04 gathering
18:
19:
20:
21: tabletennis(?)/ work (?)/ dental
22:
23:tabletennis(?)/ work (?)
24:work (?)
25: CHRISTMASSSS!
26:
27:
28-31: ONE camp




So practically, I only have about 1 week left to study and THAT SUCKS MORE ): Sigh, I'm really very scared of A's, especially thinking about GP, Bio, Econs. -.- My homework is not done, and I doubt I can finish it anyway.

Homework = assignments+ revision packages+ revision of old topics+ revision for MSA1

GG.

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

15 July'92
Nan Hua High
205'06, 403,08
Church of Our Saviour