Don't wanna get up, just wanna scream it all out.
When I'm stress or sad, I just wanna go swim, but at the moment I cant.
So many feelings and thoughts, so many emotions now, but I really don't know why, I don't know how to express.
Today was first day of work shadowing. Morning was helping out at the neurological gym, for people who met with accidents involving brain or nervous systems or even old people with dementia. Then afternoon I went to the children's ward, nursery, children icu and the baby room etc. Emotional. I'm really blessed to be alive and healthy. They are young, they have a dream just like everyone else yet people have different fate and destiny, different plans are awaiting for them. Imagine being 13years old with cancer and a kneecap replacement, having hopes of being discharged and eager to go on a trip to even JB. Then you realised you have a black 5mm spot somewhere in your lungs, fears of the cancer spreading. Or even being 12, never stepped out of your bed before, never been to school, having some muscular deficiency and lung problem whereby breathing is difficult because of the phelgm stuck along the way; thick and yellowish. How would it feel to have tubes sticking down your mouth and nostrils trying to suck the phelgm out?
Lots of things in my mind bothering me. Thought I could always handle it but it always last for awhile and the next moment, it's just another emotional wreck. Sometimes I've been thinking, I've been doing something for years and yet I'm such a failure to even not do it right or good.
Work's piling and undone while many have started on revision packages. I still got pharmacy camp next week and so many activities. Everytime I wanna start studying/doing work, I get distracted. It's the mind, the minddd! ):
Just get up and go? Take a chance and be strong?
Sigh, goodbye.
&still trying to find a happy ending
