Can't believe I'm actually back to blogger.
Yea, so I guess the first thing I'd say is, A's were officially overr. Kinda worried, you know, results and stuff. Besides this year papers were weird. It's really funny how I can don't think or be reminded of A's in newzealand but when I'm back I start to dream bout weird things related to it. I guess what I can do now is only to pray and leave it to Him, for He knows best.

Nz's really great, except for the long bus rides. I really like how life's so slowgoing and relaxing there, not needing to hurry nor be stressed about work. People end work at 5plus, shops close at 7pm, life's really great. And the scenery is just awesome. God spoke to me through the clouds (:

I really want to stay at the countryside with a big garden, I guess that's something quite unlikely in S'pore. Unless I migrate.

Been so bored eversince I'm back, lots of things in my mind, lots of things to do but nothing is done. I really need to keep myself occupied. Sometimes I really wonder whether it was a right choice, but part of me is like confused, with mixed feelings. I should really stop procastinating and start packing my messy room ):


Hurry, I need the job.

Four months to go, how scary ): Time really flies, and I don't even feel any prepared for A's this year. Like to date, I can still forget formulas and content from every single subject. Thinking back, O's really easy and I really really wonder whether it'd be a better choice to go poly. They seem to be doing better than us. Life's mundane, it's a routine. Study, study, study but results don't even show. Will my hard work be paid off? Been discussing about things with wx and we came to a conclusion for all these, perhaps. But nevertheless, we know that God's good. (:

I guess I really got to start planning, start studying consistently and making the effort to remember, better time management. Most importantly, surrender to God.

Education without godly values and a passion for Christ makes a man a clever devil- C.S Lewis

It's really a coincidence, that that was the prayer pointer from the 40 day fast booklet for 9th July. Just yesterday, wx and I were discussing bout how much we have neglected God and trusting in our own strength in this paper chase.

Really pray that I recover soon. This cough and flu is making me tired and weak ):

Everything that can be, will be shaken, only You remain.

Been a long time since I updated, might just close it anyway.
Block test is finally overrrr. Thank God that I was able to finish my papers except those that I don't know (which adds up to alot -.- ) Usually I would be reluctant to skip then lose out marks on easy questions which I could do.

Was watching tv on beijing's emperor's daily meals then I realised time really really really really really past damn fast. I was there in sec2, enjoying my life, then now...

no school tmr and fri! but there's training and competition starts on monday? excited? not. haha

need motivation to make it a committment to start revising daily!

Why does it always have to seem like a battlefield?

School's getting mundane and tiring, and I'm starting to fall asleep during lectures, which isn't a good thing since its a crucial year and it's only January. Lord, save me! ):

Life kinda suck, having so many things occupied your mind, draining your strength and even willpower. Haiz. Sometimes I really wish I could forget everything, or at least irrelevant stuff.

I really gotta buck up with my studies. NUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUSNUS! I need to focus more on my biology and econs and gp. In fact, every subject. But, everyday, I would be so exhausted that I would just end up sleeping, plus training ):4times a week.

Lord, let Your saving grace rain down on me.

New year, new beginning.

First week of 2010 had past and there is even more to come. So far, it has been a really hectic school life, keeping up with the pace and trying not to fall asleep. I really don't know what is wrong with me. It's only the start and I'm feeling super tired, as though I'm rushing for promo. Everyday, I would reach home at 10plus 11plus, and by the time I study, the next moment my head would be nodding and swaying. Hours in school is getting longer, and training is on already, thrice.

Season? Sigh.

I gotta catch up with my work. It's kinda scary knowing that you would be taking your A's this year, your determining factor. Do or die. Friends are already mugging, going for consultations while I haven really done with studying for msa.

):


Begin with the End in mind, failure is not final.
{ But first, get that out of my mind, urgh}
NUS, here I come!


Okay, bathe then study.

BUTT TRIBE!



On this day, God wants you to know that today you have a cause for celebration. Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself.

Yeah, amen.

2009 has been a rather tough and challenging year. I never thought I would be posted to sa and dreaded my days in school. I always wondered why God placed me in a school which I didnt like. I had lots of thoughts and everytime I walked to school, everytime I see or hear " No one is here by chance", I asked Him what my purpose was. He never really give me a direct answer, but somehow I know now. I struggled, trying to keep up with everything and trying my best to like the things that I have.

Results fluctuated and relationships with people were on the downhill. Been quarrelling alot of dad, always raising my voice at him even though it was out of concern for his health. Many things happened, both good and bad, but most of the times good turns bad, you know. I'm glad failures made me stronger I guessed. Nevertheless, throughout all these, I gotta admit I backslided and I relied too much on my own strength instead of His, especially in times of need or exams. I always told myself to come back but I was lazy, I couldnt feel the same burning passion I had before.

Before the camp, I was hesistant, pondering whether to go at the last minute. I couldnt feel the love, couldnt feel His presence. But truly I'm happy I went for it. One camp had really been a great breakthrough to many.
I thank God for His assurance and love that I am perfect in His eyes. I don't need to be like others, there is no self condemnation and failures are perfectly normal so long as we learn from them. Alina prayed for me during alter call and I could really feel His presence so strongly that I broke down in tears. She saw a vision of a flower though she didnt know what it was but God knows me more than anyone else, He knows that things that I like and dislike. Sometimes, we have been trying too hard to be like someone or to make ourselves more well-liked by others and we often forget that everyone is made in their own image with their own traits. We need not condemn ourselves for the things we think we arent good enough. Prophecy that night was awesome! He assured me by showing jolene my favourite sunflower ( He is the core and I'm the petals, He supports me) and chrystella a mouth with bright white teeth. La was kinda unsure what it really meant for me then I told her maybe God wanted me to smile more but she said it was along the profession and asked if I had ever thought of going to study dentistry. Spot on! :D

Yesterday was outreach at henderson. It's kinda sad to see the living conditions of the people there, sometimes even living in constant fear and pain. I'm glad I prayed for an old lady in chinese and it was a confidence booster that encouraged me to do more outreach.
Samu and his group's experience during outreach was kinda freaky but truly God's presence and annointing was with everyone of us.

I thank God for everything that had happened this year, both good and bad.
Glory to His name! :D



2010?
I hope it's gonna be a better year with more of God and less of me.


Off to nap and then start my hw again. rushing for time isnt nice =x

HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE PEOPLE!

From Everyday with Jesus, daily devotional:

Someone asked the dean of a girls' college, "What is the chief problem of these girls?" And the dean replied, "Fear". The visitor was surprised and asked the dean to comment further on the situation. "These poor things are afraid of so much," she said. "Afraid of failure, afraid of what others think of them, afraid of the future-just afraid. They seldom show it because they have pushed their fears into their subconscious, and there they fester. These subconscious fears create a climate of anxiety. The girls scarcely know why they are afraid, but they are basically afraid."

You may well identify with some of the remarks made by the dean, and say to yourself, " That's exactly how I feel-basically afraid"

They root cause of fear is an absence of love. When there is no love, fear flows in. I assure you that if you had a vivid awareness of how much God loved you, every fear troubling you would vanish. And why? Because once your personality detects the presence of its Creator, it responds to it with faith and not with fear.

The answer to your problem of fear lies not in self centred efforts to conquer it but in concentrating on the fact that God loves you, and has control of all the situations and circumstances of your life. The more you focus on that fact, the more His love will flow in, and the more fear will flow out.


"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives our fear." ---- 1 John 4: 18



It's true that many times you don't know why but you are just fearful, afraid of the things that had happened, that are happening and that are going to happen. I know that feeling, and really I feel that it's 'cause I don't know exactly how much God loves me, and I don't know whether I'm loving Him for who He is. The feeling of emptiness and lost; you feel like you are all alone even though you are in the middle of a crowd. I feel very distant.

ONE later, I hope I can set things aside for the 4 days (though I could have done alot of my hw) and reflect on what has happened this year and how I'm going to set the path right for 2010. Personal expectations, a refreshed body, mind and soul for the new year, a closer and intimate relationship with God.

Till then, see you. (or maybe 2010?)

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

15 July'92
Nan Hua High
205'06, 403,08
Church of Our Saviour